Home in Your Arms
by K.Holtzman
Summary: "A guiding light out of this darkness is what he wants, but Sirius isn't there anymore to be that light. He may never be again."


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters or anything Harry Potter. Harry Potter and all rights belong to J. K. Rowling. I receive no profit- monetary or otherwise- from this production. **

_**A/N: So, read a fic, Remus/Sirius to be exact, and had black dogs and werewolves running through my head constantly. As a result, through discussion with a friend, I was urged to write this. So here we go- my first fanfic for the glory of Harry Potter.**_

**Warnings: Two men giving each other hugs. That's about it. Well, wait...hmmm...oh nudity- not like you can see anything anyway.**

When he flew through the door, he didn't expect to come face to face with such a situation. With Pettigrew as a rat, Harry and his friends, and him. Remus knew he was going to be there, he figured it out. But still, it wasn't the same as actually seeing him, being able to touch him. Remus wanted to hug him, to run his fingers along his face and through his hair, to hold him and make sure he never left again.  
Remus had to control his desires though, his wants, his needs. Pettigrew had to be dealt with, secrets had to be revealed, and history understood; so the anxiety and impatience would have to be reigned in for now.

But that was long ago, it's been months since then, at least 12 moon cycles. So much had happened, and the year was beginning again, and Remus was positive, Sirius would be back; or maybe he's just hoping, praying.

Today, he's been called to the Black House, it was offered as a meeting place long before Sirius went underground again. But trudging up the concrete, slicked down with rain, all Remus could think of was Sirius. How it wasn't right to be in his house without him there. This place had an old beauty to it, the architecture alone spoke volumes, however it was a mere empty cocoon without Sirius. It experienced no joy, lived no life, breathed no air, without the Black; or maybe that was him. It left Remus with a twist in his gut, a nagging, dull ache; he longed for the days of their younger years, the nights and days spent together in this place- then he had lived, had felt alive, breathed, 15 years ago had changed it all in a split second. He hated being here now.

The house is revealed to him as he steps closer, the familiar procedures to get in coming easily with deft practice. Molly greets him at the door, a quick peck to the lips and she's helping him peel off the layers of soaked wear; sending him upstairs for a warming shower and some fresh clothes. The woman's a mother to everyone and Remus' is amazed by it; Molly's a strong one- to be faced with such dangers as they all were and still manage to worry about everyone and everything else. Arthur Weasley is a lucky one.

He lets the hot water crash over him, warming cold skin and relaxing tense muscles. Being left to his own devices lets Remus' mind drift once again. At first, he thinks of the Order- their goals and how to accomplish them. But things look seemingly hopeless, no one's ever ready to face the Dark Lord. And he wishes Sirius was there, the man could be as serious as possible, then turn around and go for levity when everyone else was depressed. A guiding light out of this darkness is what he wants, but Sirius isn't there anymore to be that light. He may never be again.

This place, it's too synonymous of Sirius for him; the man plagues his thoughts. Remus can see him, his hair, face, the twinkle in his eyes and he looks real, too real.

And in his mind, Remus reaches out to touch, he's got to be sure Sirius is actually there because now he can smell his friend; the cotton of his clothes, the ivory soap that clashes with his ebony hair, the hint of butterbeer that always lingers to him and mixes with the light cigarette smoke of his cigar jacket ( which is quite baffling since Sirius doesn't even smoke), and even more so the smell of dog that always clings- leftover from his animagus transformations. Overall it's earthy and subdued, but Remus can't get enough of it.

_But he's not there!_

The thought hits him like lightning and Remus braces himself against the tiled wall, fingernails scraping against the glass. He can't breathe, too many emotions are clawing away at the inside of his body, sentiments straining his chest. He can't stop the sobs that quickly overcome him, the harsh tears that spill from his eyes and they're blistering hot or maybe that's just the water.

Remus shakes with the force of his strangled cries and he's never felt so much pain, and he hates it because this isn't physical, it's emotional- mental- and he can't do anything to stop it. It's tearing him apart, and he wonders now how he's kept it together for so long until now. Duct tape, he jokes to himself, hysteria breaking through as he takes deep breaths.

His gut seemingly implodes and without much thought his head's hung over the toilet as his stomach empties itself and whatever food he did have was gone. One hand reaches over and twists the shower off, he staggers to his feet digging for mouthwash to get rid of the taste of vomit.

Remus dries off quickly, pulling on some pants and the window catches his eye. He never noticed that this was Sirius's room he's in; coupled with the view of snowy rain falling to the ground is like a black hole trying to suck Remus back into his memories, happy ones yet painful.

Remus doesn't think he's ever needed Sirius this much, ever. Maybe it's just the Black house, though it's devoid of him, the place is Sirius, or at least all that Lupin has left. He presses his forehead against the glass of the window, hazel eyes hard and steely even as they watered. It's cold and dead inside of him, tears seem to be all that's left. His heart feels shriveled and dried; crumbling under the weight of emotions. This time he's in control when Sirius's face appears in the glass, he knows it's not real- and that almost hurts more. Remus runs his hand down the reflection, trying to wipe it away like fog. His fingers linger over Sirius's lip and Remus lets out a sigh, a tight fist dropping to his side.

He's exhausted, weary, and numb. The bed's calling him, he can hear it, but his feet won't move, and his eyes never leave the Sirius in the mirror. "Why won't you leave me alone?" Lupin mutters softly, voice forlorn and sad, thin lips pulled tight in a frown, his heart aches for someone who's not there and he really wishes it would stop.

"Well, I just came back, but if you really want me to..."

Lupin's eyes widen and he stared hard at the reflection in the glass, he could swear it just talked. There's a small laugh behind him and Remus feels his jaw drop. He spins around, and there he is, in all his glory, Sirius Black.

Remus doesn't know what to do, his mouth moves silently searching for words. He just can't believe this, Sirius is there, in front of him, smiling that beautiful smile of his and running his hand thoughtfully over his trimmed beard.

He looks much better since the last time Remus saw him, no longer was he gaunt and grey, but his skin was healthy looking- a nice light olive. He radiated, his hair long and dark, silky from the looks, and he had meat on his bones; they were no longer poking through the skin. The most stunning thing were his grey eyes, Remus thought they would never change- but they had after Azkaban and that killed him- but now, they exuded pure joy and sparkled with youth and life; they drew Remus in tight, never letting him go.

"I'm happy to see you to Remus." Sirius chuckled, closing the gap between them in short strides, then Sirius's arms were around him and Remus collapsed into them immediately, Sirius supporting both their weight.

Remus wasted no time in returning the embrace, pressing his nose against Sirius's shoulder, breathing in the familiar smell, he clung to the man, fingers twisting in the back of his robe, the fabric soft against his bare chest. "You're here."

"Of course, where else would I be?" Sirius pulled back, his grey eyes studying Remus closely; smoldering coals burning through him. His eyes never left Remus as he guided him to the bed, sitting down next to him.

"I...I-I thought I lost you, there was no word. And the- the dementors-" Remus choked out.

"Slow down." Sirius chuckled lightly, and Remus felt weightless, like a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He could finally breathe easy. Lupin wiped a wisp of hair away from Sirius brow, the man leaning into the touch.

"I'd never leave you, in fact I never left." Sirius pokes at Remus's chest, right over his heart, a grin splitting his face and all Remus can do is pull Sirius into another hug.

"It's alright Remus, I'm not going to leave." Sirius said softly, a little breathless at how tight Lupin hugged him.

"I'm not gonna let go." Remus felt the man stiffen, a surprised hitch in his breath.

"Not ever again."

"Alright, alright." Sirius sighed, and Remus felt the man's arms wrap around him, creating a warm embrace; a soft kiss pressed into his hair. And for the first time in 15 years, Remus is actually happy about being called to the Black house.

_**"You never gave me a bloody shirt."**_

_**Well what do you want me to do? Change it? It's too late I just posted it.**_

_**"It's cold. Don't you see that? It's even snowing!"**_

_**Actually it's more rain- a wet snow if you would. Kinda like-**_

_**"That's besides the point!"**_

_**You're inside, AND Sirius is hugging you- I'd kill to be in that position- I don't see the problem.**_

_**"*glare, skulks away*"**_

_**Bloody werewolves- so moody.**_

_**Anyway, hope you enjoyed- possibly more Sirius/Remus or some other HP fics to come. Opinions? Suggestions? Questions? Comments? Concerns?**_

_**Reviews are appreciated they make me grin. ^.^ (-just like that.)**_

_**Stay Frosty.**_


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